THE “DOWN” SYNDROME!! :P

This is a very common syndrome I see in peers and elders around me in recent times. This includes the following typical symptoms—the repeated musings I have not done anything spectacular in life (Naan ennatha saadhichen??)or I am not unique (Naan endhavidhathla vidhyasama irukken)!! Yeah.. so you got the hang of what am gonna talk about. Little do we realize what these musings are capable of!! And sometimes we give them the importance that they don’t half deserve. :P

Lets look at why these symptoms seem to be severe. Is not doing something that would make heads turn such a big crime? Or is doing something that many people do,one? Neither. All this hype and hoopla comes because we give these things a direct mapping to happiness---yes, that elusive feeling that seems to always appear like the horizon!!! For now, let’s set aside the analysis of the validity of this mapping and look at how much this has been a part of our lives.

Generally, the pattern of the life of an urban bred person (especially from tamil nadu,coming out as a s/w engineer )will be as follows.

Class 1-5 : Getting a first rank in class is THE mission.!! Taught all great “life values” of honesty,trustworthiness, integrity,helping others, truthfulness(Poi sonna saami kanna kuthidum!!!..).. enjoyable school life coupled with a huge series of classes—music,dance,karate,swimming,chess.. Often heard dialogue “Kanna,Indha vayasulerndu kashtapattu padichena pinnadi on life la nimmadhiya irukkalam”.(appo oru anjam class padikkira payyanukku nimmadhi illa.. :P. Enna koduma sir idhu!!) and “ En payyanukku ippove doctor(andha kaalathla collector) aaganumnu aasa..Class la avanthan first rank theriyuma…!!!” (Jilla collector aaganumna onnanglass lerndu 1^st rank than vaanganum.. ongalukku theriyaadha??? :P ).

Class 6-8 : The age where lot of interests which last for life, develop. The ripest age for inspirations!!. Ippothan medhuva payalukku surf excel potu brain washing aarambikkum. “ Onakku engineering interesta illa medicine interesta??”(choice kekuraangalama….) Thappi thavari engineering nu sollita, “ IIT la padicha than romba nalla future irukkunu cheenu maama kooda sonnar da.. (avar anga bench courtla gumaasthava irupparu…). Namma Madhan irukkanla..adhan U S ponane(tagged).. avan kooda anga thanda padichanam..” (nammakunnu irukra saniyan ippothan veetu gate ku vandurukku…)

Class 9-10: Now,the mission is tenth board exam topping!! “Pathanglass la nalla mark vanginaathan nalla group kedaikkum”(idhu andhakaalam) “ Ethana centum aim pandra??”(idhu than indha kaalam).Idhu pathadha koraikku “IIT ku foundation classes irukkame.. Ippove poga aarambichitena 11^th 12^th la coaching romba easya irukkumla”.(idhae logicka than andha kaalatha semma advance panni vechurundaanga… neenga ennada na adhellam “child labour” and “child marriage”..thappunu solliteenga :P ).Teacher’s dialogue : ”Tenth std boards is the first important step of your life.””Tenth la fail aana life waste ayidum.”(Ambani ennadhan kilichaalum state rank vaangalela.. avar sambathichu adha vaanga mudiyuma?? There are certain things which even mastercard can’t buy. :P ) “ Ippo tenth la nalla mark vaangitta pinnadi lifela kavalaye illa..”(anda puzhugu aagaasa puzhugu…)By this time, all extra curriculars would ve come down all ready to crash and stop. (namma saniyan gate a thorandhiruchu!!). Mutti modhi tenth la topper aayachu. IIT foundation class selection test clear panniyaachu!! (Ussssssssaaaaabaaaaaaaaahhhh……)

Class 11-12: 11^th std la than payya konjam moochu vitruppan..Lighta oru girlfriend pick up panniruppan..chats and phone calls start. “ Indha vayasula idhellam irukka koodathuda…appram IIT ellam poga mudiyaadhu!!”(apdina IIT and girl friend mutually exclusive.. :P )(andha vayasula immaturea iruppanonu bayappadradhu thappilla..there is a way to state that.. aana ivanga prachana avan santhoshama irukkardhu pathi illa.) . This aside,the IIT class itself would be a huge drama!! Class timings – engineered to be such that u enter into it just from bed or slop into the bed just after class! (Education itself has become a huge business nowadays… the process of “getting u to have education” is a better business.. : P). Pathada koraikku 12^th std board exams. “Oru vela IIT kedaikkalena, Anna university ku 12^th mark venumla” .. Teachers : “12^th std board marks is the deciding factor of your life”. (aama aama… 12^th la mark kammina aayisum kammi.. thiti thitiye usira eduthuruvangalla…) (ippo namma saniyan, compound ullaye vandiruchu!! ). 12th mudichachu. No more school life. Anna University la poi oru B.E serndachu.( IIT ellam nammala vechuka kuduthu vekkala paavam :P).

Anna University B.E : These 4 yrs prove to be the starting point for all the “unlearning” you ever do in life.!! (saniyan veetu door munnadiye vandiruchu).”America poi M.S panna poriya?GRE prep ellam panniyacha?” B.E 3^rd yr: adutha girl friend irukku aana illengra madri!! “ Ivalo naal nalla padichite.. Ippo en da distract aagare? Adhukellam life la neraya time irukku”… (eppo?pallu pona apprama?? :P) “ Onnoda aim IIM la MBA pandradhuthane??? “ (surf excel irukkula…adhu theerra varaikkum washing than..:P ). First attempt CAT oothikichu!! Edho punyathla oru companyla place aana naala B.E mudichitu “naanum engineer naanum engineer nalla paathuka “ nu poyachu velaiki (vera oorukku).

Corporate life : “Pudhu oorukku pore...Thaniya irukka pore..namma kudumbathukku eppovum nalla per irukku..adha marandiraadha..” Next stage of unlearning. “Corporate le lam spies vechuruppangalam da.. yaarayum nambi edhuvum sollidatha.. on velaya mattum paathuko.. “ (anjaam class la sollikudutha “trustworthiness” gaali. ) (saniyan doora thorandu ulla vandirichu). Konja nall la “stagnation” ku bayandhu,marupadiyum CAT eludiyaachu. And (un)fortunately,oru semma B-school admit vandiruchu!!. Potti padukkayellam thookitu poi join panniyaachu.

B-school : Namma modhalla padicha E-school(elementary school) kum B-school kum ore vithyasam than.. Anga padichathu ellame inga ‘velaikaagadhu’ nu solliduvaanga.

MBA specializations :

Finance : Avan avan epdi aduthavan pocket lerndu thannoda pocket ku kaasu vara vekkiradhu!!

Marketing : koovi koovi edhu epdi irundaalum vikkiradhu!!(anjam class “honesty” gaali!!)

HR : Evanukkume edhuvume theliva purinjirakoodathu!!! ( “truthfulness” harooohara!!!....saami compass vechu kanna kuthalam!!! )

Vazhkaila evalavo pannitom,idha panna matoma!! Oru vazhiya indha kadalayum thandi 12 lac p.a salary la oru MNC la poi ukkandachu. Vayasu oru 28-30 aayiduchu!! Paadhi sotta vizhundachu.(manda kaanju pochu) Already spondilitis start ayiduchu!! (saniyan ukkandirukka chair kittaye vandiruchu!!). Ippo solluvangappa “Vazhkaila kalyanam aanathanda oru pidippu varum,(IIT enga pochu??)santhosham varum,(IIM idha kudukkadhu??)vazhkaiku oru artham varum. (paarra…)Ellarukkume oru companionship theva!(idhukku thana da enakku High school la oru girlfriend irundha…). Thaniya irukkardhellam oru vazhkaya”?? (ada naadharingala… college la irundavalukkum kalyanam ayiduche..:( ) .

Family life : Happily married, with 2 kids, decent salary, good lifestyle. Aanalum ullukulla oru feeling..ennamo miss aaguthe.. Apdiye oru naapathu vayasu aayachu.. There comes long periods of thoughtfulness. There is an urge to look back and see what has happened all through life so far. Naan apdi ennathan kilichen life la nu yosana varum!! (ippo saniyan thala mela yeri ninnu fifty group dancers oda kathakali aadikittu irukku!! ) .Thideernu Namma pirappukku artham enna?Nammellam engirundhu vandom? nu ore philosophy mazhaiya pozhiyum!! Idhukku epdiyaavadhu badhil therinjaaganumnu (ippo than namakku vera enda periya kilikkira target illaye.. ) oru nalla yoga class ku poi ukkandachu. Anga pona, aarambippanga “anju vayasula oru pattampoochiya paatha onga manasula evalo aanandam irukkum..ippo adhu enga pochu”?? (ingayum nammala thanya kelvi kekaranga!!).

Looking at all this, what have we actually done all the time?Only one thing—BRANDING. We branded education, institutes, work places, way of life, and worse , branded happiness also together with it. IIM-A la padichavanukku ‘A’ class happiness, sumaarana degree,vela vechurunda ‘B’ class happiness, rickshaw otravanukkellam ‘C’ class happiness than irukkumnu oru nalla map potu vechurukkom. A business man who has 100 million worth assets and loses 50 million and a shepherd who owns 10 sheep and loses five go through agony equally!! The second thing that we have always been groomed into is this—Whatever is at present is not what will give happiness. The condition is always some target which has to be achieved in future! The present is always dedicated to struggle.(what a wild goose chase!!) At some point in our lives, every one of us has said this – “ I want to be different.” Whatever did we mean by that! No two people are exactly alike by the law of creation itself. So why are we so obsessed with being different??

Let me make one thing clear. I am not of the idea that having ambitions, striving for them, pushing yourself to achieve or wanting to be unique is wrong. We need all of them to keep ourselves going in life.(Boredom is the worst killer!!). We need to do all of this to have convenient lives. But branding happiness ,is, stupid to a fault. This is one of the best tamizh sayings I ve ever heard. “Aridhu aridhu,manidarai pirapadharidhu Athanil aridhu koon, kurudindri pirapadhu—Avvayar “ So ,why don’t we get rid of this down syndrome and ‘live’ our lives??

(saniyan pack up nu sollitu pin kadhavu veliya compound wall yeri kudhuchu poiduchu!!! ) J

AMMA

To those asking why I chose THIS to start with,it is the usual search for something nice to write about ending in blank emptiness and suddenly something among the daily happenings giving an idea. Today the usual 9 45am alarm like "Good morning Aarthi. Lets pray things go well" message DIDN'T come!Quite unlike her I must say. This set me on a little "think trip".

THE IMAGE OF A TYPICAL MOM- about 30 years back.

.........saree clad,more than average built,long plaited hair,with generous kumkum on forehead,moderately educated wrt academics but very well knowlegdeable and trained in HOME SCIENCE; a woman who worshipped family and believed that she must selflessly give her best to her children(-making each one's favourite dish without compromising anybody can sometimes be her biggest target),someone who was happy to be at home all day and be there FOR and WITH others once they returned home from school or work, a person who loved SERVING others-someone who could with a smile cook for hundred people and expect nothing in return. She would not understand half of what her children told about their academics or work,but would still be an intent listener. To her,her child getting a 99 percentile in CAT and getting a first rank in school doesnt make a big difference. She would just laud her child's achievements and gloat the success by making his/her favourite food!!She would get worried sick if her child is a bit late and would wait for hours to hear the voice of a child abroad on a short ISD call! She was simple yet powerful in the sense of emotional dependence the entire family had on her.

THE IMAGE OF A TYPICAL MOM- ten years from now.

...........clad in a simple jeans,shirt,slim built,medium loose hair,very well academically educated,financially sound and bloody INTERNET crazy for everything!!(google searches ranging from "HOW TO MAKE PASTAS " to "HOW TO CHANGE BABY NAPPIES");Not really SELFLESS when it comes to family!(she does care about herself too...If you do think right,NOT SELFLESS != SELFISH),is more ready to give varied exposures to the child including cultivating a lot more independence and self sufficiency,is capable of giving a lot more academic and career guidance,is lot more like a peer to the child(with playstations and cricket) during and after adolescence (smsing and chatting included!). She is a powerful woman in her own sense.

Now now don't get all worked up dear supporters of either kinds!!I am NOT TRYING TO ARGUE here that one is better over the other. Both kinds have their own virtues and vices. According to me,it is not right to dismiss the first kind as "not very knowledgeable" or the second type as "not caring".What makes you what you are is the choices you make and that in turn will depend on the exposures you've had. "Being a mom" is independent of Space and Time--only the HOW differs,and it has to!!

To all future moms reading this,

Make the right choices that will suit you. (Do whatever you think will give you happiness--don't sit at office all day thinking of your kid at home. You'd be better off to resign and sit at home.And don't try being a housewife for a kid thinking of the career you so meticulously built and lost. Its unfair in both cases).

To all bachelors hoping to be future dads,

Choose the right kind of woman you want. As the saying goes,its stupid of you if you expect a coconut from a mango tree.

And finally,everybody reading this,whatever kind your mom is,be thankful. :)

P S : The typical mom images are based on the majority present in urban areas. It could be different elsewhere. And not every mom can be categorised purely under either on the 2 kinds.